curse the sunshine

As I reluctantly rise from my bed so begins another day.....this wretched rainbow--beauty of ombre reds and golds slowly unfolds before my swollen eyes inducing a reality that i despise. In my house is silence. Between sips of tea, between thoughts of he, between memories of we I am slowly dying.  Creatures of the sky perch and chirp singing songs to celebrate your awakening I am deaf to thier melody. I hate you...for that day.  For that morning you rose just the same knowing you would bring me pain. I wish you had given me a clue ---- maybe rose with a different hue, perhaps even never risen at all.  Yet you stood tall in all your grandious splender displaying your burning embers boldy anouncing your presence failing to remember that without him you mean nothing to me.  You want me to love you but I dont.  You want me to lay beneath you half naked soaking in your glow but i wont.  I curse you.  I curse you for illuminating the world that extinguished his light. Then you rested like it was alright, and awakened the next day in just the same way basking in your own magnificence completely ignorant to the fact that he stayed sleep, eternally.  Seeing you is burning me inside cause he died and your still here.