I belong to HIM

When I think of the goodness of God at times all I can do is cry, when I think of all the times he saved me I can only wonder why, I am not perfect-nor do I pretend to be, the only answer I have is, he really must love me, he loves me in a real sense but not like my friends, my relatives, or my man, he loves me in a sense that I have yet to understand.  He birthed me from his spirit and set me free upon the earth, and tho at times I felt alone he's been with me since birth. Now I do dirt-- go wrong --and choose wrong with some decisions, but a day has yet to go by where I was left without provisions.  I have ignored his warnings seeking to fulfill my own desires, and still he covered me like teflon and led me through the fires. Hes no liar.  hes my provider. my guider. my creator.  and in my heart of hearts I know theres nothing greater. Never woulda made it ......a testimony to my life. Even in the darkest the loneliest the coldest most confusing times in life, he speaks to me in silence and gives me insight. When I think of the goodness of God at times all I can do is cry, when I think of all the times he saved me I can only wonder why. He thinks I am special I can tell by my name, though I have been lonely im never alone for we are one in the same. I listened to the pastor as he spoke of history's men and the downtrodden the thieves and those filled with sin, I began to see a pattern that sparked me up inside, he is for the humble for the forgotten for those the rest denied.  But in each of these stories he washed the people clean, giving them a glow, that all would know, whenever it was seen. My mother left me, my father abandoned me, I have life my entire life with little sense of family.  My brother betrayed me my sisters spoke of me ill. Ive watched love die and seen friends killed.  But I still live, I still breathe, I still rise, seemingly untouched, ive been through much, to some would be a surprise.   I prayed this morning giving my petitions for this new year, secretly I worried if he even really hears--for I too am a sinner by definition of the world, but in his eyes i realized I am just his babygirl. When I think of the goodness of God all I can do is cry, when I think of how many times he saved me I can only wonder why. He has a purpose for me, a destiny, not yet fulfilled, and he encourages me,  so urgently, everyday to make it real. At times tho life has gotten heavy weighted my every step, haunted me with sorrows and threatened to take my breath, I can become mired by the minuscule drowning in the details of what if, afraid to make a wrong move so instead I sit. This time is different though this time is the truth, this time I will win is in my spirit though I can give no tangible proof, all I know is my spirit asked a question looking for a confirmation of my belief, and the word spoke to me "daughter" he said to her "your faith has made you well. Go in peace". I cried. Then I stood feeling good, put my shoulders back, like its okay that what it say, and who can argue that?  The world cannot break me I am more than even I know, and even if I never shine my divine will always glow. when I think of the goodness of God,  all I can do is cry, when I think of all the times he saved me I can only wonder why.